The universality of loneliness

Illness can distance us from others—not so much physically as emotionally—and make us feel more alone than ever before. How can we cope with this? What can we do about it? This time, I will try to answer these questions. But first, I would like to start by saying that loneliness is an extremely common experience, not only in illness. After all, who among us has never felt lonely—if not in a difficult life situation, then perhaps while pursuing dreams, striving for fulfillment, or making life decisions aligned with our inner voice? It would not be an exaggeration to say that at different stages of life, loneliness affects all of us.

However, staying within the context of chronic illness, let us look at the sources of loneliness during this difficult time, which is often a health crisis.

Sources of loneliness: loss of social roles and shame

Illness often forces us to withdraw from fulfilling certain social roles. At least temporarily, we stop functioning as the head of the family or as an employee. Our roles as a parent or a friend also become limited. We move from being a person who gives help to someone who needs help. This is extremely difficult, especially for those who identify strongly as helpers.

Moreover, illness often evokes shame, especially in environments where illness has been perceived—hopefully only in the past—as a form of divine punishment. Today, despite widespread awareness that illness is not anyone’s punishment for sins, there is often still an inner feeling that perhaps we somehow deserved it, and that maybe it is better not to admit our health struggles. Of course, I do not want to generalize, and fortunately more and more people openly talk about their illnesses, but shame still appears in patients’ experiences.

Difficulty asking for help and dependence on others

Sometimes loneliness stems from an inability to ask for help. I intentionally say “inability” because it implies that this is a skill we can develop—and illness often pushes us in that direction.

What makes illness particularly difficult in terms of loneliness is that we become dependent on others. At the same time, if we live alone or do not have many close people around, we may realize that we are facing many challenges on our own. Of course, it does not have to be this way, but as mentioned earlier, asking for help is often something we must learn.

A signal to build supportive relationships

Remember that loneliness is a natural state that shows us that even if we previously believed we were self-sufficient and capable of handling everything on our own, we still need connection and contact with others—especially in difficult times. Treat loneliness not as a weakness, but as a signal that you need to build a supportive relationship. One in which you can feel safe and truly heard.

What can you do to reduce loneliness during illness?

I know that friendships take years to build, and a bit of luck is needed to meet the right people. So if you do not have a close friend, you can seek contact with others during everyday activities—for example, talking to a shop assistant in a familiar store, during rehabilitation, or in a waiting room at the doctor’s office. Even these short and perhaps superficial conversations can help you feel like part of a community, even if only a local one. I also encourage you to reconnect with old acquaintances. Perhaps there is someone you have not spoken to in a long time but remember fondly. It is usually not too late to renew old connections, especially those we remember warmly. If you no longer have their phone number, you can try to find them on social media. Even if you do not use it yourself, someone from a younger generation can help. You can also find support groups online for people experiencing a specific illness. This can be an easily accessible way to meet people with similar experiences and receive support, which can help reduce loneliness.

Another step may be learning to feel comfortable spending time alone. Some people love quiet moments alone, but for many of us it is something we need to learn—to find ways to enjoy our own company and appreciate moments such as creating alone, praying, or simple daily rituals like having coffee with a view of trees. Personally, I used to cope with loneliness by going to a café with a book. On one hand, I was alone, but on the other, I had people around me who somehow accompanied me while I was doing something I enjoyed. I must admit that spending time in cafés had its own charm. It allowed me to gain distance from the world while still feeling part of it.

What also helps, in my experience, is contact with nature. It is always available, and when we are in it, we are surrounded by a whole range of living beings that help us reconnect with the world. Their presence makes us feel less alone, and their quiet companionship has a calming effect.

In dealing with loneliness, inspiring and meaningful films can also help. Personally, I love “The Intouchables.” It is a wonderful film about finding joy in life despite illness. If you have not seen it yet, I highly recommend it.

Summary: accept and experiment

Remember that loneliness is a completely natural state, especially during illness. Instead of running away from it or getting angry at yourself and seeing it as a weakness, try to become familiar with it and find your own way of experiencing it. To do this, experiment—see what works for you, what improves your mood, and what restores your sense of connection with the world. Think about how you can build relationships with others, whose company makes you feel good, and where you can meet kind people.

And as I mentioned at the beginning, loneliness affects most of us—so if you feel this way right now, remember that many people around you feel the same. 🙂